Fuck Buddy Breakup

It has been an eventful couple of days with Mr Complicated. After the defining the relationship talk, Mr Complicated had continued to increase the relationship talk.

He said that he loved me without qualification and that he fell in love me at first sight. Personally I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe that you can have a man crush on the first date, but love needs a deeper connection and this only develops over time. I think that he did develop such a connection to fall in love with me. I had fucked up – although my words were saying I didn’t want a relationship my actions of sleeping over and intimate cuddling while watching DVDs were sending the wrong message. Mr Complicated even wanted me to meet his brother.

To me, coming out a long term relationship, the three words of ‘I love you’ mean a hell of a lot. I wouldn’t want to say it to a potential boyfriend unless I was absolutely sure that he felt the same way and that I felt that way.

I admit I did have feelings for Mr Complicated, but I think these feelings stemmed from a feeling of loneliness and missing the intimate moments with that someone special. I also admit I felt comfortable and secure with Mr Complicated. These feelings fell short of love. I could have said that I love Mr Complicated and continued on my merry way. This would not have been fair to Mr Complicated, he was a nice genuine guy and I didn’t want to be known as the bad guy.

My gaggle were unanimous in saying that I should break up with Mr Complicated as it would hurt him if it continued.

That afternoon I noticed that Mr Complicated had read my profile again, my profile stated that I was after someone who knows what he wants and is sorted. When I went over there that night, Mr Complicated confronted me with the question that I had dreaded. He asked whether I was truly interested in a relationship with him. I felt sick to the stomach about being confronted with the very question that I didn’t want to answer the most. I manned up and said that I was not ready for a relationship being such a short while out of my previous long term relationship. I admitted to him that I enjoyed his company but it fell short of love.

I could see that Mr Complicated was devastated, his emotional state had been shattered by these very words. I wanted to run away. Mr Complicated went on the attack and asked what was wrong with him that I didn’t want a relationship with him. He quoted from my profile and recognised that he did not have direction in his life and was certainly not sorted. He called himself stupid and silly for loving me. To which I replied that he was not stupid and silly for sharing your feelings. I confessed that I was stupid and felt bad for my actions but I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

We went over his neighbour’s place. Mr Complicated was just sitting on the floor looking at me, I could see he wanted to let his emotions run wild and cry but was keeping it in for my benefit. He got his fire back in eyes and said a couple of times that all men are ‘cunts.’ I said that it’s my time to leave, I squeezed Mr Complicated’s shoulder and said I’m truly sorry. All I really wanted to do is to hold him and say everything is going to be alright.

I received a text on the way home from Mr Complicated saying that I was a special guy and telling me to be happy in myself and thanking me for letting him get to know me. He finished by saying bye. I replied saying I was truly sorry that the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him. I also said that final climatic word bye. That word was hard to type, I did have feelings for him. It was unfair on him to try and continue seeing him if I knew that he wanted something else.

I continued the drive home feeling heartfelt sorrow for what I had done. I had hurt a nice guy and lead him on by my actions. I resolved to avoid this happening again.

So what can I learn from this experience:

·         A fuck buddy should be just that – no strings – no emotional connection – no intimate moments other than sex.

·         Actions speak louder than words – While Mr Complicated knew I was just after sex, my actions in sleeping over and watching DVDs gave him the impression of something more.

·         When a guy says I love you – seriously assess whether a relationship is possible, if not man up and say so – its easier for everyone if you say this sooner rather than later..

The question is: Do I put this down as rebound relationship #2… I say it’s 50/50 – happy to take your comments.