The Talk with my Fuck Buddy – defining the relationship

Mr Complicated (aka fuck buddy), had invited me over for dinner with his mates. When I arrived, the same people were there as the last night, although one more person had joined. They all seemed nice and readily accepted by sense of humour and sarcastic bite.

There was one moment that the banter was so funny, my diaphragm hurt from laughing so hard that I had let out a ‘bum burp.’ Needless to say the group thought this was too funny, which meant my diaphragm didn’t settle down for another five minutes.

It was getting late and a few people had departed, which left Mr Complicated, me, the prior root from Friday night and the new person. We chatted for about thirty minutes. Mr Complicated tried to make them leave the house by saying that he was tired and was going to bed. It was proving to be a repeat of Friday night. Mr Complicated whispered that he didn’t know how to make them leave. I said that they were his friends and were disrespecting him for staying when he clearly wanted them to leave. I was feeling unvalued as he appeared to value their presence in his home more than our time together. I also got the strong sense that he was a people pleaser and would never take assertive action to move his friends along.

I was in the kitchen tidying a few things up when the new person said that I could come over his house and start cleaning there. To which I replied I aint nobodys bitch. He then called me a scrubber. It wasn’t the word that offended me. It was more the fact that this was the perfect time to oust them from the house so I could have my talk. I snapped and got the resolve and conviction to eject them. I walked straight to the new person’s iphone and disconnected it from the speaker. I handed it to the new person and said it is now time for you to leave; the front door is this way. I ushered them out the front door. My final departing words to them were that I was not happy.

I definitely upset the new person by ejecting him, he rang Mr Complicated’s phone 5 times and left two text messages. Mr Complicated couldn’t believe what I had just done. He commented that no one had ever done that to his friends and felt happy that I had taken the initiative and ejected them. His other side was that he was a little annoyed at me for ejecting them. I think that overall he was pleased with my actions. I later found out in the morning that the text messages were from the new guy apologising for his actions and any disrespect that he may have shown to Mr Complicated or me.

Mr Complicated also commented that he sensed the new guy had a crush on me and was a little jealous at the attention that the new guy gave me (again – I’m completely oblivious to being checked out!). This may have explained why Mr Complicated was way more cuddly with me that night (stamping his territory) than the last time.

So we were alone snuggled under a rug on the couch, he was lying next to me with his head resting against my chest. The ‘talk’ was to begin…

I asked him how he was feeling towards me. He recognised that he had deep feelings for me and really liked being around me. The last time he felt a connection to another guy as deeply as me was his previous boyfriend. I asked what he wanted from me. To which he replied that he was just happy me spending time with him. He seemed to be pussy footing about the subject of exclusivity. I asked him directly as to whether he wanted me to be exclusive. He said that he just wanted me to be happy and didn’t want me not to be happy. He was effectively giving me his permission to fuck around. He had one condition that I don’t tell him about it and that if he asked the question to lie to him. This made me feel very uncomfortable as I felt like he was trying to be a people pleaser in trying to make me happy but not considering what he truly wants.

He made the comment that I was gorgeous and deserved someone more good looking that him. His low self-esteem issues were manifesting. My gaggle knows that Mr Complicated is good looking, nicely toned, tanned and a great cheeky smile.

Mr Complicated also let slip that he 'almost loved me' - I tried to make him explain the phrase almost and what was holding him back. However, he clammed up and just held me tighter.

In many ways although I was uncomfortable, I was happy that Mr Complicated was letting me off the hook to continue exploring my feeling for Mr Chefette. Although I knew deep down that Mr Complicated was only wanting me to fuck around, he was not wanting me to develop feelings for another guy. I knew that Mr Complicated would be devastated if it came to pass that I was developing a boyfriend relationship with another guy. But for the time being, I am happy spending time with Mr Complicated and exploring possibilities.

I stayed the night in Mr Complicated’s bed. Again I felt safe and it felt good with him holding me in his arms and I didn’t want it to stop.

Does this make me a bad person? I do feel a little bad continuing to spend time with Mr Complicated. I think it stems from knowing that he is a people pleaser. I kind of feel like I am using him as a door mat to spend time with and get a good fuck… but if he gets what he wants out of it – is it truly hurting anyone? I have resolved not to let Mr Complicated attach anymore strings.