It was in this mindset that a guy messaged me on manhunt
through the instant messenger. His tag contained the word ‘quality’. I of
course looked up his profile before accepting the invitation. His profile
ticked all the right boxes, he was athletic, educated, employed full-time in professional
services, owned his own home, normal, genuine, sorted and he said he was good
looking. The only thing was there was no picture, he said that this was due to
what he did for work.
We got chatting and it confirmed his normalcy. We arranged
to meet in the city over lunch at work. The tone of the conversation (I thought) was to get to know each other to scope a possible relationship.
When I saw him, he obviously did not have an athletic build.
I don’t know any athlete that has a substantial beer belly and a double chin. I
just don’t understand why people who are looking for a serious relationship
would start off a relationship with a lie. We had an okay lunch, we talked
about each other’s families, childhood, work etc. So we agreed that I would
come over his place for drinks after work.
As we were departing to go to our respective workplaces, he
did something that I was very uncomfortable with. He did a PDA (‘public display
of affection’). It was a smooth brush over the shoulder that made my spine
tingle. As discussed in my previous posts, I don’t appreciate PDAs. It is not
that I am ashamed of being gay, quite the contrary I am very comfortable with
my sexuality and discuss it openly at work and anyone who asks the relevant
questions. It is a part of who I am. I think he was trying to say to me through
touch that he liked what he saw…
We emailed each other to negotiate a good time for our
drink.
The night of the meet, I rocked up at his place. He had some
nibbles on the table and a good wine for drinking. The conversation flowed very
well UNTIL he developed a sparkle in his eye and said whether I would like a neck
massage…
I knew all too well what a neck massage would lead too. I
politely declined and said I’m fine and made the comment that I generally don’t
put out on dates. Only to be confronted with the realisation that he didn’t see
this as a date. He questioned why I thought it was a date.
He then blatantly accused me of leading him on… he said well
your profile reads as if you are up for a bit of fun as well… WTF! My meet
obviously did not understand the difference between no strings fun and dating
someone. If it was just no strings fun I would not have invested time in
getting to know this guy. To tell you the truth, based on his appearance the
first meet, I would not have even gone there. All my ticked boxes were wiped
out in one foul swoop.
I wanted to get outta there as soon as possible. However we
had drunk two bottles of red wine over the space of 3 hours. Being a one glass
wonder, I was a little shaky on my feet. I stumbled to the door and tried to
open the latch only for him to graciously open it for me. I was drunk and my
car was in his driveway. I was not going to leave it there only to have to see
him again. I drove off through the back streets. I was panicking for the whole
10 minutes on my drive home.
I cursed myself for getting into this predicament. I should
not have consumed so much alcohol as to leave me vulnerable to the
manipulations of a guy. I placed myself in a stupid situation which could have
led to criminal charges for Driving under the Influence. I vowed that I would
never go to a guy’s place and drink so much again!
So the moral of the story is never judge a guy by his
profile (a take on never judge a book by the cover). The guy ticked all the
right boxes in his profile but he clearly had a warped view on dating and how
to build a relationship with a guy. For me a date does not mean I’m going to
put out that night (I’m just a tad traditional in that regard). This has
changed the way I negotiate with guys for a date, as an FYI I usually say that
I don’t put out on my first date. Their response usually indicates whether we
are of the same mindset…
And now for my second rule of dating/hook-ups - never drink
so much alcohol that you can’t drive home at a moment’s notice.
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