The danger zone...

Well it proved to be an eventful weekend, I received an SMS from Mr Complicated, my former fuck buddy. He said he was very upset and missed me completely. He wanted to see me again and would respect my decision about not wanting a relationship. I replied that it would be great to see you again and that I enjoyed spending time with him. I reiterated that I didn’t want to hurt him again and that we should both be upfront about what we want.

So it came to pass that I went over there for dinner. When I walked in he beamed at me and we hugged and kissed. We began our talk about what we wanted.

He said that he was stupid to say I love you and that he was only saying it because that’s what he thought I wanted. I take this comment with a grain of salt, I think he was just embarrassed that he had feelings for me that were not reciprocated by me. He was so in love with me, you wouldn’t confess your love and have such a bad reaction if you didn’t love someone. Although I would suggest that after 4 weeks it was more of a man crush than love.

I reiterated that I enjoyed spending time with him, that it was more than just sex. We had more intimate moments with each other such as snuggling watching a movie or me staying the night with him spooning me from behind. He appreciated this and said that he wanted me to be a fuck buddy and that he couldn’t bear not to see me again.

So now, my fuck buddy is now an official fuck buddy (yippee!). I have spent two nights at his place sleeping over. It felt good to be intimate with someone but not have the emotional baggage that comes with a relationship.

However, when we fucked the first night, the condom slipped off. I’m still not sure how on earth it happened. When I ejaculated and pulled out, there was no condom. I was freaking out as it only takes one time to contract HIV let alone all the other nasty STIs. I of course told him that the condom was still inside. I couldn’t get it out, so he manually retrieved it. For those not in the know, the top is the person that needs to ensure the condom is always on. He blamed me for losing his condom… oops - I did accept full responsibility ! We eventually found the funny side of the story.

He said he was tested 2 months ago and was clean. I was also tested about 2 months and was clean. However, I don’t know my fuck buddy enough to fully trust him. Especially as he has often said that he likes unprotected sex – extremely risky behaviour.

I went to the sexual health clinic the next day. I was surprised to learn that 5% of gay people have HIV (that’s one in twenty!). Although the doctor said that it was low risk that I could have contracted HIV. She suggested that PEP was available (post exposure prophylaxis). I am fairly anal about my health, so I accepted the prescription for PEP. PEP is a 28 day course of strong anti-HIV medication. Apparently 2 out of 3 people experience moderate side effects and 1 out of 4 people experience serious side effects. These range from tiredness, nauseous, vomiting, liver damage, kidney damage and various other not pleasant side effects. It has been described to me as taking chemotherapy without the hair loss.

I am now on day two, there are no side effects that I am aware of other than getting tired. But this could also be due to sleeping over at my fuck buddy’s place for the last two nights. Needless to say we didn’t get too much sleep those nights :P

So my blog will also document my experiences with PEP. I hope that I have no side effects. Although it will probably teach me a good lesson to increase my motivation to always have safe sex.