Well since we agreed to continue seeing each other as fuck
buddys, I feel he has continued to fall deeper in love with me.
Last night when I met him (Sunday), I learned that he was
upset that I had not messaged him since we last met (Thursday). This was easily explainable as I was outside
mobile coverage. He also said that he seriously missed me during the weekend
and was elated when I had messaged him saying the weekend was great and that I was
back in Perth. I think you’ll agree that this conversation was more of a
relationship talk than a fuck buddy talk.
He repeatedly said that he loved me but always added ‘only
as mates’. He recognised how much the word ‘love’ meant to me and didn’t want
to freak me out. He reassured me that he had no feelings for me other than fuck
buddys.
This was subsequently proved incorrect. He was talking about
his weekend and had met a couple of his mates on the Friday. I had met one the
guys before, you may recall the guy I referred to as his ‘previous fuck’ who I
had suspicions about and had ejected from my fuck buddy’s house. Another guy
was also there, he had talked about this one particular guy before, he was
another person who had ‘fuck buddy’ status who he has shagged for about six
years. He told his new fuck buddy about me. He said that his fuck buddy got
very jealous as my fuck buddy had NEVER spoken about another guy like he had
about me. He even confessed that the guy was ready to beat me up until my fuck
buddy calmed him down…
Later on in the night, the ‘previous fuck’ and the ‘fuck
buddy’ got it on in my fuck buddy’s bedroom (you still with me?). When my fuck
buddy walked in, they asked him to join. Apparently my fuck buddy declined as
he was not in the mood.
On another night that weekend he had his ex over for a drink
and chat. To cut the story short, the ex also wanted to have a fuck with my
fuck buddy. It was at this point in the story that my fuck buddy stated that he
was exclusive to me and that he didn’t want to fuck around with anyone else.
But he also said that he was okay with me not being exclusive and was happy
that I was fucking around. Yes, I’ll repeat that for full effect - my fuck
buddy indicated that he was exclusive to me.
This sounded more and more like a relationship talk. I so
wanted him to just come out and say that he fucked some guys on the weekend, I
would have been extremely happy! It was like I was in a pressure cooker, with
the pressure slowly building up to a crescendo that was not likely to pop
anytime soon. I think that my fuck buddy feels like we are in some sort of open
relationship – albeit a relationship in his head.
I reiterated to him that we are mates who like to fuck. I
think it is now falling on deaf ears…
I enjoy being in his company, but again he is not
relationship material. He is not going to monopolise my emotions and my
activities for his full enjoyment. I am still happy seeing him. I am just so
cautious about not hurting his feelings…
I would ask my readers to consider the question “should I end
it with my fuck buddy” but I am afraid I’m not ready to hear the answer…
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