Well I had planned to spend time with my fuck buddy tonight, but I'm early writing this post as
apparently he had other plans. I write this post moving to the tunes of ‘Forget
You’ and listening to dance music. Cortisone is running through my veins at a
mile per hour. I’m physically shaking... so what happened?
It all started out as a normal night, it was dinner with
fuck buddy and his neighbour. Apparently he had invited some friends over for
dinner. This itself was not an issue as it was interesting to see my fuck buddy
interact with his friends. We went to get some beer from the local bottle shop,
on the way back we stopped into his friends place (the people that were supposed
to be coming round for dinner).
I walked into a first floor unit, upon entry I could see
that the inhabitants were deros (Aussie slang for white trash). The place hadn’t
been cleaned in weeks, the carpets were stained as far as the eye could see. The
coffee table was chockers full of open beer bottles and full cigarette trays. The
white trash inhabitant of the unit was stoned off his face. I felt immediately
uncomfortable being in the unit. It didn’t help that when we got out of the
car, my fuck buddy said that I need to protect him as the guys wanted to fuck
him as they were previous fucks and thought he had a cute ass… WTF – my jealously
was coming to the surface! – my reservations about having a relationship with
my fuck buddy were being crystallised before my eyes.
I was there about 10 minutes before the white trash
inhabitant offered to light up a joint. My skin was crawling, my anxiety levels
had reached to the space beyond. My fuck buddy as always said “are you okay”
and of course expected a yes from me. I said no I’m not okay and I would be leaving
him to have ‘fun’ with his friends. I instantly walked out to the car and started it up.
As I was reversing out, my fuck buddy opened my door and tried to talk me into
staying (I stupidly had not locked it).
I said I was uncomfortable and could not stand to be in the
place for another second. I admitted I was an absolute snob and don’t relate to
those type of people. I said I was a lawyer and never associated with these
type of people. He then asked why I was with him, I replied that he was not like
them. He had a clean house and didn’t live in filth. I said to him go back and
party which he obviously wanted to do. He said that there is no other person
that he wanted to spend time with than me (big ego boost!). I told him to hop
in the car if he thought that way – which he did. Whilst driving to his place,
he got a message from the white trash inhabitant saying that they were
obviously not coming for dinner.
When we got to his place, we proceeded to start cooking dinner. It
was then that he came up to me, and reassured me that everything was going to
be okay. He then asked that I talk with him before storming out. I apologised
and said that I promised to talk with him before leaving again. He said he was
both proud of me but also peeved. When I asked why he was proud he could not
express why. It was then that he ask that I don’t freak out. I said I’m not
freaking out now. He then said that the white trash inhabitant and his friends
were coming over. I was instantly peeved, I was pissed, my blood was boiling, my anxiety
had gone off the scales, I erupted like a volcano. I said well in that case I
was leaving, he tried to push me back in my chair and reassure me. I physically
shoved him out the way, I just simply said “I told you.”
As I left the door gave a satisfactory slam. I was expecting
him to chase after me so I locked the car doors as soon as I got in the car. As
I drove off, I saw him on the verge waving me back, I continued to drive on.
So he just proved where his loyalties lie – to his friends –
not to the person that he apparently is ‘madly in love with.’ He is a true
people pleaser – he likes to please his friends… So much for wanting to spend
time with me...
I got a sense of what a relationship would be like with my
fuck buddy – it would be impossible to please everyone – it is likely that I would
take second place to his desire to please his friends.
P.S. – I’m still pissed after writing this post…
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