Lunch Time Date with a wet rag... Uninspiring - 2/5 on the Date Scale

Had a lunch time date today with a wet rag. He had messaged me on GRINDR and we got chatting. He seemed nice enough he was after mates and dates as was I.

From the outset he was very uninteresting, he was 27 had only had two relationships one six months and the other 2 years. It's a wonder that he achieved that long as he was like talking to a brick wall.

His conversation was stunted always expected me to lead the conversation. Which didnt work as everything I said he only responded with no more than a sentence.

He hadn't travelled overseas. He didn't have any plans for the weekend...

He had a double degree in Arts and Education. My regular readers will know what I think about guys having an Arts degree! Meeting this guy only proved my theory... People with Arts degrees have no spark and lack intelligence (jk).

So back to the drawing board I go... Trying to find that special someone which ticks most of the boxes. My fuck buddy is looking better and better as a potential partner (tongue in cheek).

The day I was hypersexual - four cocks one day...

It was about a week after the missing you message from Mister A. I was feeling rather horny and toey one night. My mind was in overdrive and I just couldn’t get to sleep. I logged on to Grindr and cast my line to see what spunks I could catch.

My first cast snagged a fitness instructor. I met him about 12:30 and was home by about 2:00. The sex was great, you could tell he was really fit and active. It showed in his enthusiasm for cock.

I woke up at 8:00 with a morning glory and decided to cast my line again. I had been chatting to a guy before about fulfilling his sexual fantasy. His fantasy involved him leaving the door open and being on all fours ready to be topped by the guy that walks in. He liked the thought of not knowing the guy and rough sex.  I obliged as this was also one of my fantasies.

It was about 10:00am as I walked up the driveway I was having second thoughts about whetehr this could be true or not. If I try and open up the door and someone else was there I would have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Thankfully as I walked through the door, I saw him on all fours on the floor. I undressed and stroked my cock to get it hard. He also obliged by holding his hand in between his legs so my cock was rubbing against his legs and hand.

I topped him right then and there. Slapping his arse as I deeply penetrated him. He loved every second and moaned continually. He then stopped and wanted me to climax on his face. However, I couldn’t live up to my end of the bargain. My mind and my little head were not playing well that day. Being the dominant partner, I growled at him to cum. He instantly responded and stroked himself feverishly to climax. I got dressed, slapped him on the arse and walked out the door.

I was disappointed and dismayed that I had not climaxed. I had to get back on the pony and arranged to meet a guy that afternoon at 4:00. The sex was vanilla, but still I could not climax. My erection was less than satisfactory and I just couldn’t get my juices flowing.

I was cursing myself for my inadequacies about not climaxing for the second time that day. I would try for a fourth and final time. I setup a hookup with a guy in the next suburb. He wasn’t my type but I needed to climax to convince me that I was okay. The guy was totally unprepared for an encounter. He didn’t have a condom and didn’t have lubricant. Luckily – whenever I travel I carry two condoms and a small tube of lube.

I suspect he was deliberately unprepared, during the session he complained that he hated condoms. He obviously thought that if a guy comes over and there are no condoms that he would just bareback rather than going home (barebacking involves topping without a condom – a highly risky behaviour that is the main cause of HIV and Sexually Transmitted Infections). My safety mechanism is if ever a guy wants me to perform bareback it results in an immediate block. The reason for this is that you can never be sure whether he has barebacked with other guys – so effectively you would also be opening yourself up to catch any infection those other guys might have passed on.

It was a pretty dull session. He just stood there on all fours and wasn’t as responsive as the other guys. He had obviously drunk a few that night as he couldn’t get up and didn’t climax. To make matters worse, my erection was less than strong and yet again I could not get my juices flowing. We had both failed each other. I made out that I had climaxed with appropriate ooos and ahhhs (I didn’t convince myself let alone him).

So I ended my day in a downward funk… this funk proved to be a permanent feature of my life for the next three weeks.

The MacDonald’s Manager – One of the most uncomfortable dates I have ever experienced!

I found the ‘delightful’ Macdonald’s Manager on Grindr. He lived about 5kms away. We got chatting and we had a few things in common especially fanatical religious parents. His father was a Pastor and my father was equivalent to a Priest. We talked for about an hour on the phone and he seemed liked a genuine guy who enjoyed life.

We decided to go out for dinner and a movie at a local shopping centre. The only problem being that he didn’t have a car and used public transport. As the dashing handsome gentleman that I am I offered to pick him up from home (error of judgement #1).

As I drove down the street and saw my date on the side of the road, I queried why it was people put up different pictures to what they truly are. My date had a rather large beer belly and a shirt which did not leave anything to the imagination. His picture had obviously been taken prior to starting work at Maccas.

At that point I should have just cut my losses and offered my apologies that he wasn’t my type, instead I stopped and allowed him into the car (error of judgement #2).  Within 5 minutes the conversation took a turn for the worse. I was apparently using ‘big words’ that he didn’t understand and he said he was not ‘stupid’ but could I please stop using ‘big words’ that he could not understand as it was making him feel uncomfortable. Bless his little cotton socks! For me, any date potential was wiped clean and had gone into negative.

 We dined at a local Asian food place (not fancy) and proceeded to buy tickets to a movie. He continued to say how proud he was that he was a Macdonald’s manager, the training offered by Macdonald’s and the responsibilities of being a manager. Okay now call me a snob… as I am writing this post and reflecting on the date I feel uncomfortable the way I immediately judged him based on his lack of education. I should have been more positive that yes with the little education he did receive that he is making something with his life and was happy.

We sat at the back of the movie theatre (error of judgement #3). Let’s just say the movie sounded very B grade, however it was better than I expected but I had very low expectations. Throughout the movie he fondled my hand. I was giving the subtle signs of not reciprocating and shuffling around. I don’t think he had the insight to understand.

After the movie we were walking to the car through the car park. We were walking in front of a group of guys. It is important to note at this stage that we were in a lower socio-economic suburb (some may say Hicksville). What happened next further highlighted my date’s stupidity. He proceeded to slap my arse and give it a pinch! WTF. He laughed it off, meanwhile I was taking a very brisk walk to the car explaining to him the dangers of what he just did!

Now at this point I must say that I am definitely not one of these guys that like public displays of affection (‘PDAs’) – a slap on the arse was a definite no no in my books. Red carded and instant dismissal from the dating field.

So we got in my car (yes I had to drive him home). He clasped his hand around my thigh and proceeded to utter something to the effect that he really enjoyed the night and really thought we clicked and asked when he would see me again.  I would love to have a brief insight into the workings of his mind as to why he thought we clicked – it has me flummoxed to this day as to how he reached that conclusion.

I politely but firmly said that I was not going to see him again as he was not my type. He took a couple of seconds to swallow and process what I had just said. He clasped my thigh again and said those fateful words “why? What don’t you like about me?”

Why do people want to subject themselves to a list of things that another person doesn’t like about them? Now I could have spent 10 minutes or so telling him why he wasn’t my type. All I said was “let’s just leave it as you’re not my type.” Those 8 minutes driving him home were unpleasant. There was an icy silence throughout the journey I could hear him breathing shallowly with an ever so slight wheeze coming from his nose.

He hopped out of the car. He hadn’t given up on having some type of connection to me. He said that he was still open to mates if I was and to contact him.

Needless to say as soon as I got home I blocked him on Grindr and proceeded to add a note to my phone DO NOT ANSWER!

So I ask my blog readers… was I a snob?

My Fuck Buddy has developed a man crush

Well, I apologise again for my break in the chronology of my posts, but again I can’t possibly wait to fit it into the timeline. It has been 24 hours after my one night in heaven with my fuck buddy (or what I thought was a fuck buddy). I had sent him a message in the morning saying that the night was amazing and I promised to catch up again soon. This was only polite and I wanted to confirm my enthusiasm for the massage he gave and the great time I had.

I had just finished an exercise class and received a message asking how my day went. I responded saying my day went well and was productive at work. I asked how his day off was (yes – he certainly got more sleep than me). He said it was great and was just chillin. The messages then took a turn for the worse…

In his next message my new fuck buddy invited me to a barbeque for Saturday lunch with his straight mates. My gut was grumbling merrily away. I strongly believe my gut has a mind of its own. It seemed delighted that it was right again and was telling me “I told you so.” For those of you unaware of the rules of having a fuck buddy, one does not invite their fuck buddy to meet their friends… my fuck buddy was developing strings.

So I asked the question... how would he introduce me and what we have been doing? It was a sly way of asking him to define the relationship. He said that his mates were cool and he would just introduce me as a mate. I hesitantly said that I was a little uncomfortable given that we had only had two ‘meets’ so far. This was a very bad move…

I got an aggressive message in reply asking is that the way I saw him, as only a ‘meet’.  He had developed strings big time. He said that he obviously got me wrong and then closed by saying that he hopes that I find what I’m looking for. My fuck buddy had turned sour. The worst thing was that he had blocked me and thus couldn’t message him online to explain myself.

I wanted to see him again, talk about how he saw what we had. Maybe I could salvage this and have a mates with benefits arrangement. For those of you not in the know, a fuck buddy is all about the sex, regular ‘fuck and go’s. A mates with benefits arrangement is more about developing mateship with sex thrown in on the side. It is a subtle difference but one of paramount importance.

I remembered that I had his mobile number and SMSed him apologising for using the wrong word to define what we had. I said that if I just wanted a ‘fuck and go’ I wouldn’t have gotten under the covers with him. I said at the end that this is the first and last message, I was not going to chase him. If he wanted to see me again then I left it in his court as to whether he wanted to reply to my message and re-establish contact. I went to bed with my mind in overdrive – he hadn’t replied in over an hour.

In hindsight, I don’t see how he could have developed such an attachment so quickly. I suppose I can't blame him I am a good catch ;). But to be honest we had simply fucked twice. Sure we had a snuggle at the second meet but a snuggle does not equal a relationship. We had only discussed each other’s work, we hadn’t discussed family or our interests, and what music or movies we liked. These matters constitute essential information to work out whether we could successful be mates. It would appear that I need to define my relationships quite early so that both parties understands what each other expect. But who would have guessed that one needs to define a relationship after only two fucks?

I woke up today and had received a message he said don’t ever refer to what we had as a ‘meet.’ He didn’t say anything else, it was short and to the point. So we will wait and see whether I can salvage this and experience another night in heaven…

My gut is grumbling as I write this blog entry, I think it is telling me that a mates with benefits arrangement is not possible with this guy… we shall see…

My first Grindr Experience

The night that I broke up with my ex-partner I got back on the pony – I did not want to give my X the satisfaction that I continued to have feelings for him. I opened a Grindr profile and logged on… thus I was immersed in a world which was totally new and seductive – so many guys just a short drive away.

There were so many new terms as well – it was liked I had stepped into another country and had to learn another language – NSA, ‘FUN’, ‘TRAVEL’, ‘HOST’, ‘UFOs’. I was constantly amazed at how open everyone was - noting whether they were top, bottom, versatile, versatile with top preference and versatile with bottom preference.

I must admit the term NSA totally flummoxed me – so I asked GOD – I asked Google. So yes now I know No Strings Attached. The ‘strings’ of course being any emotional connections with the individual. Put simply, it is sex for the sake of sex. A more acceptable term was merely ‘fun’.

As I didn’t have a pic at the time I didn’t get too much traction from guys. And yes I am now the same way – faceless profiles or ppl which won’t provide pics are in the main butt ugly (that’s the nicest possible term), fat (bordering on obese), old (ancient). Thus was born the phrase no UFOs. Yes you might get the hunk of spunk who is not out and just wants discrete fun – but do you want to cast your line and snare a UFO?

I finally took a self photograph in a mirror with my iPhone (very classy). That night I chatted up a few people and arranged to meet for coffee. Yes I had (key word had) traditional values – my motto was no sex before coffee. Needless to say many Grindr veterans simply blocked or ignored my messages. My ego was sorely bruised – was it my pic? was I desperate?

After the initial 'Hey' - I got some confidence and I arranged to meet a few people for coffee (4 on the first weekend) – that weekend I met my first rebound relationship… lets call him "Mister A"