My reply was perfect – If you loved me he wouldn’t say he
was committed and exclusive and then go behind my back and fuck around on a
dating website. All I wanted was honesty – if he wanted to revert to just a
fuck buddy arrangement then he just needed to say the word rather than toy with
my emotions by continuing a lie.
His response was to be expected – he said he has always been
faithful to me and has never slept with another guy since seeing me (I know of
two occasions where he has previously said he has and then retracted the
story). He wanted to know which “cock head” I had been talking to on the dating
website as the guy was lying.
So I logged on to the dating website and messaged him by
saying – I’ve been talking to this cockhead… don’t try denying it as it will
make it ten times worse than it already is.
Again his response was on the attack – he said that he knew
it was me. He also tried to point the blame to me by accusing me of being
untrustworthy by creating a fake profile to try and catch him out. His final
message was simply goodbye.
My reply was simply a return goodbye.
As you would be aware by reading all my posts about my fuck
buddy – I had concerns and alarm bells which I ignored because the sex was
fantastic and his cuddles was the BOMB! He was literally toying with my
emotions and being manipulative. It felt like he had ‘won’ the challenge of
making me fall in love with him – and he was ‘finished’ with trying to please
me. He had withdrawn and disconnected – my suspicions had proved completely
accurate.
He was verging on being a pathological liar – he was
literally cornered but continued to maintain his innocence and then try and
flip it on to me. I don’t believe in that bullshit and can see straight through
it (albeit there was a faint tinge of rose colour)
Yes – I admit I will miss my time with my fuck buddy heaps
and heaps. I will miss the cuddles watching movies, I will miss our dinners, I
will miss the sex, I will miss the massages, I will miss seeing his smile 5
times a week, I will him his gorgeous body, I will miss the together time. I will
again need to cope with my single time. My fuck buddy had proved to be a crutch
and a distraction to me in relation to finding Mr Right.
I knew both consciously and subconsciously that a
relationship with my fuck buddy was with Mr Wrong. I persisted. I must thank my
fuck buddy for educating me about bad relationships. I have awareness and I
value myself not to put up with bullshit and the mind games. I deserve a good
catch – a nice guy who will treat me with respect.
My gaggle has helped me through these times by lending their
ears to my continual stories about my fuck buddy. This blog has also helped me
to reflect on what was happening rather than being in the moment and allowing
my emotions to take hold. In reflection, I had some awesome times with my fuck
buddy but these certainly didn’t make up for the mind games and the bad
moments.
I would like to think that my fuck buddy is feeling regret
for his actions. I personally don’t think that he ever will.
In the right
environment and with the right group of people my fuck buddy would make an awesome
guy. I so wanted to help him realise that he was a great person and didn’t need
to be a people pleaser which was destroying his sense of self-worth. In some
respects I feel like I let him down – I could have been the person that dragged
him up to the real world. But I realise rather than me dragging him up – he was
dragging me down.
I think it is 50/50 whether he will contact me again to try
and get me back. On one hand he loves the chase and the emotional high that he
would feel when he gets the ‘rabbit.’ On the other hand he might think that
this rabbit has bitten him and thus will not continue the chase… So I won’t
conclude by saying I will never write about my fuck buddy again…
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