Meeting the Parents - Mister A - Rebound Relationship #1

As I was just out of a long term relationship I was very cautious that I wanted to go slow and not rush into things. I wanted to avoid hurting my own and/or anyone else’s feelings. However, all that seemed to go out the window as I was sucked into the world that was Mister A and into my first rebound relationship (it is with reluctance that I call it a relationship as we didn’t ‘define’ what we had, all I know is it was way more than casual dating).

In hindsight, I think the speed of the relationship was established on the first weekend. He was going to a friend’s party and invited me along. He described the party as very informal. How wrong he was, he failed to say that the party was for about 50 people AND that his brother would be there (YES I hear you gasp, I was to meet some of his friends and one of his family on the first weekend – it was only the third date).

His brother was a typical slightly homophobic guy who was all mumbles when you talked to him and constantly shifted in his shoes. I felt the consternation the brother was feeling about meeting a guy that his brother was involved with. By way of side point, I was introduced as a ‘friend.’

The relationship ticked on nicely, UNTIL... I received a text message from him saying that his mother had invited me to dinner (this was only 5 weeks after the first date). I quickly got on the phone with him and bombarded him with the twenty questions. What have you said about me? How much does she know? What is the occasion? What is she like?

I was freaking out a little, meeting the parents within the first two months seemed slightly fast (okay it was like going down that first hill on a roller coaster, the woosh and the rush of adrenalin which sends tingling sensations right through your whole body to your fingertips and toes). I had to discuss this turn of events with my gaggle of females.

The general consensus was “WTF.” I began to question my acceptance of the invite. To me meeting the parents was a bigger event than I thought and had huge significance to many people. My thoughts were just simply that he wanted me to meet the people involved in his life (my first naïve moment). I wasn’t really nervous about meeting his parents as I am one of those guys that mothers instantly love. It was more what he thought of the meaning and significance behind the meeting that disturbed me.

My gaggle of females said that it was a step in defining the relationship. It was an affirmation that he felt that I was worthy of meeting his parents and that he could see a long term future with me. Maybe it was my upbringing that caused me to view the parent meeting as insignificant.

Then came the question of when he would see my parents. We had already talked about my fanatical religious parents. I reiterated that my parents only tolerated my sexuality - they certainly do not embrace it or allow any references to it when I’m at home.

I reluctantly agreed to telephone my parents to enquire whether I could have a friend over for lunch. If they agreed we would be meeting both of our parents on the same weekend. My mother surprisingly accepted without too much fuss. So in the end he was to meet my parents first and then I would meet his parents.

Both meetings were very pleasant. My mother and father behaved themselves and actually conversed with my ‘friend’ and my mother commented that he was such a lovely man.

His mother and father were equally well behaved I was actually imagining how well I could slip into this family unit (big mistake – I was investing more into this relationship than I budgeted for). I could see myself growing attached to his mother and father. I could even see myself interacting with his slightly homophobic brother – who seemed quite relaxed in his family environment.

One thing I did notice that weekend is that he had started smoking again. I could smell it on his breath and in his clothes. He even took a sneaky cigarette by telling me he was going to the newsagent to get the paper. When he came back he snapped at me by angrily saying “I’ve had a smoke, okay.” He then also took a cigarette at his parent’s place.

… the fact that Mister A  had started smoking again was a sign of things to come...