My date with a nice educated guy… FAIL

When you start reading manhunt or grindr profiles, it soon becomes apparent that most of the profiles are superficial and concentrated on just one thing – SEX! Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining, manhunt is an excellent way to find a guy to get your load off with.

It was in this mindset that a guy messaged me on manhunt through the instant messenger. His tag contained the word ‘quality’. I of course looked up his profile before accepting the invitation. His profile ticked all the right boxes, he was athletic, educated, employed full-time in professional services, owned his own home, normal, genuine, sorted and he said he was good looking. The only thing was there was no picture, he said that this was due to what he did for work.

We got chatting and it confirmed his normalcy. We arranged to meet in the city over lunch at work. The tone of the conversation (I thought) was to get to know each other to scope a possible relationship.

When I saw him, he obviously did not have an athletic build. I don’t know any athlete that has a substantial beer belly and a double chin. I just don’t understand why people who are looking for a serious relationship would start off a relationship with a lie. We had an okay lunch, we talked about each other’s families, childhood, work etc. So we agreed that I would come over his place for drinks after work.

As we were departing to go to our respective workplaces, he did something that I was very uncomfortable with. He did a PDA (‘public display of affection’). It was a smooth brush over the shoulder that made my spine tingle. As discussed in my previous posts, I don’t appreciate PDAs. It is not that I am ashamed of being gay, quite the contrary I am very comfortable with my sexuality and discuss it openly at work and anyone who asks the relevant questions. It is a part of who I am. I think he was trying to say to me through touch that he liked what he saw…

We emailed each other to negotiate a good time for our drink.

The night of the meet, I rocked up at his place. He had some nibbles on the table and a good wine for drinking. The conversation flowed very well UNTIL he developed a sparkle in his eye and said whether I would like a neck massage…

I knew all too well what a neck massage would lead too. I politely declined and said I’m fine and made the comment that I generally don’t put out on dates. Only to be confronted with the realisation that he didn’t see this as a date. He questioned why I thought it was a date.

He then blatantly accused me of leading him on… he said well your profile reads as if you are up for a bit of fun as well… WTF! My meet obviously did not understand the difference between no strings fun and dating someone. If it was just no strings fun I would not have invested time in getting to know this guy. To tell you the truth, based on his appearance the first meet, I would not have even gone there. All my ticked boxes were wiped out in one foul swoop.

I wanted to get outta there as soon as possible. However we had drunk two bottles of red wine over the space of 3 hours. Being a one glass wonder, I was a little shaky on my feet. I stumbled to the door and tried to open the latch only for him to graciously open it for me. I was drunk and my car was in his driveway. I was not going to leave it there only to have to see him again. I drove off through the back streets. I was panicking for the whole 10 minutes on my drive home.

I cursed myself for getting into this predicament. I should not have consumed so much alcohol as to leave me vulnerable to the manipulations of a guy. I placed myself in a stupid situation which could have led to criminal charges for Driving under the Influence. I vowed that I would never go to a guy’s place and drink so much again!

So the moral of the story is never judge a guy by his profile (a take on never judge a book by the cover). The guy ticked all the right boxes in his profile but he clearly had a warped view on dating and how to build a relationship with a guy. For me a date does not mean I’m going to put out that night (I’m just a tad traditional in that regard). This has changed the way I negotiate with guys for a date, as an FYI I usually say that I don’t put out on my first date. Their response usually indicates whether we are of the same mindset…

And now for my second rule of dating/hook-ups - never drink so much alcohol that you can’t drive home at a moment’s notice.

About Me

About Me


I hate this question – the inevitable “tell me about yourself?” is a loaded question that can’t be avoided in a dating situation.  Its tantamount to asking a used car salesman “tell me about the car”. It inevitably results in you selling yourself to your prospective date to ‘tick off boxes’ on his theoretical list of needs and wants from a partner.

I am by no means a used car (some may say different – those persons will be appropriately and severely bitch slapped and castrated if I do identify them). So here it goes…

I’m a male in my early thirties, live in an Australian capital city and yes I’m gay – I make love with men (big shock now calm yourself down – take deep breaths it’s a big revelation). You can imagine the reaction that my fanatical religious parents had when I came out to them as a homosexual (but all in due time – I have much to blog about).

I’m educated.  Now for some people this means simply completing Year 12. For my list of needs and wants it refers to someone who at least as gone that extra step and completed a technical college course or ideally has gone to University. I myself have a double degree (for those wondering one of them is not Arts….). And educated certainly does not mean that you are a Macdonald’s manager and completed their internal training (this date deserves a whole post by itself).

I’m genuine. I think this term is a little too well used in the dating arena. What is it that makes someone genuine? www.Dictionary.com defines genuine as “free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere”, pretense is further defined as “pretending, a false show of something.” So technically it means someone who is true to themselves and is not pretending to be someone they are not. I am me and I don’t give a rat’s arse what you think of me (but pul-lease like my blog LOL).

I’m masculine – by that I mean I am not effeminate – but I do have my moments when I glam it up. If I was walking down the street you wouldn’t pick me for gay (unless a super hottie was walking by and I was taking a second and third looksy – there are always exceptions!). I do lightly shape my eyebrows – there is nothing worse than a mono bush above the eyes. I do manscape – again nothing worse than a forest when you are going down on someone (clear felling a forest when performing oral is never a good thing – think pubes in mouth)

Now I suppose I should describe my looks, I am White/Caucasian about 6 feet tall and an average build verging on athletic (yes I am working on it). Some would say I’m a stud, some might just say easy on the eye, some may say average (no I am not putting up a pic so you can judge!), NEVER met anyone who said I was ugly (but again am waiting for the day that I commence the inevitable decline to old age). My cheeky sly grin is my best asset and I use it without abandon.

Now if you have gotten this far you are probably wondering why I’ve very vague in describing myself. The purpose of my blog is to provide a candid journal about my experiences with dating as a recently single gay man. I can’t be that candid if I can be identified – especially with some of the blogs I have planned!

And please I do not accept date requests on this blog… (do you really want me to publicise how I really feel about you and the date?).