Fuck Buddy Breakup

It has been an eventful couple of days with Mr Complicated. After the defining the relationship talk, Mr Complicated had continued to increase the relationship talk.

He said that he loved me without qualification and that he fell in love me at first sight. Personally I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe that you can have a man crush on the first date, but love needs a deeper connection and this only develops over time. I think that he did develop such a connection to fall in love with me. I had fucked up – although my words were saying I didn’t want a relationship my actions of sleeping over and intimate cuddling while watching DVDs were sending the wrong message. Mr Complicated even wanted me to meet his brother.

To me, coming out a long term relationship, the three words of ‘I love you’ mean a hell of a lot. I wouldn’t want to say it to a potential boyfriend unless I was absolutely sure that he felt the same way and that I felt that way.

I admit I did have feelings for Mr Complicated, but I think these feelings stemmed from a feeling of loneliness and missing the intimate moments with that someone special. I also admit I felt comfortable and secure with Mr Complicated. These feelings fell short of love. I could have said that I love Mr Complicated and continued on my merry way. This would not have been fair to Mr Complicated, he was a nice genuine guy and I didn’t want to be known as the bad guy.

My gaggle were unanimous in saying that I should break up with Mr Complicated as it would hurt him if it continued.

That afternoon I noticed that Mr Complicated had read my profile again, my profile stated that I was after someone who knows what he wants and is sorted. When I went over there that night, Mr Complicated confronted me with the question that I had dreaded. He asked whether I was truly interested in a relationship with him. I felt sick to the stomach about being confronted with the very question that I didn’t want to answer the most. I manned up and said that I was not ready for a relationship being such a short while out of my previous long term relationship. I admitted to him that I enjoyed his company but it fell short of love.

I could see that Mr Complicated was devastated, his emotional state had been shattered by these very words. I wanted to run away. Mr Complicated went on the attack and asked what was wrong with him that I didn’t want a relationship with him. He quoted from my profile and recognised that he did not have direction in his life and was certainly not sorted. He called himself stupid and silly for loving me. To which I replied that he was not stupid and silly for sharing your feelings. I confessed that I was stupid and felt bad for my actions but I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

We went over his neighbour’s place. Mr Complicated was just sitting on the floor looking at me, I could see he wanted to let his emotions run wild and cry but was keeping it in for my benefit. He got his fire back in eyes and said a couple of times that all men are ‘cunts.’ I said that it’s my time to leave, I squeezed Mr Complicated’s shoulder and said I’m truly sorry. All I really wanted to do is to hold him and say everything is going to be alright.

I received a text on the way home from Mr Complicated saying that I was a special guy and telling me to be happy in myself and thanking me for letting him get to know me. He finished by saying bye. I replied saying I was truly sorry that the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him. I also said that final climatic word bye. That word was hard to type, I did have feelings for him. It was unfair on him to try and continue seeing him if I knew that he wanted something else.

I continued the drive home feeling heartfelt sorrow for what I had done. I had hurt a nice guy and lead him on by my actions. I resolved to avoid this happening again.

So what can I learn from this experience:

·         A fuck buddy should be just that – no strings – no emotional connection – no intimate moments other than sex.

·         Actions speak louder than words – While Mr Complicated knew I was just after sex, my actions in sleeping over and watching DVDs gave him the impression of something more.

·         When a guy says I love you – seriously assess whether a relationship is possible, if not man up and say so – its easier for everyone if you say this sooner rather than later..

The question is: Do I put this down as rebound relationship #2… I say it’s 50/50 – happy to take your comments.

Confession of a Bitchy Queen

Yes I know I have not commenced telling you about my rebound relationship, but I have a confession to make today. Today my friendly demeanour gave way to the bitchiness inside. I am ashamed and deeply appalled (well a little anyway). So what happened? …

Got a message from an 18 year old Twinkie saying “Hey.” He also posted several comments on my pics such as “take off the towel” and “you’d look better with your shorts off.” Of course I was flattered as any gay guy would be.  I usually don’t chat to anyone below 25 as I just find them immature, childish and flippant (I should have maintained my view).

After checking his profile it became obvious that he was a serial tart and was posting comments on all pics of any guy that was good looking to some degree. I think you know the type, the guy that’s just got on a dating site thinking that everyone will think he is really cute and really nice.

It all went swimmingly well, we were flirting with each other. But then he started calling me ‘babe.’ Now I don’t know why that irritated me so much. No one had ever called me babe, not even the X. He was just getting too comfortable for someone that I had only just started chatting to. It felt wrong being called ‘babe’, I was a guy – I was masculine – I had a cock! Babe somehow felt reserved for effeminate fem and gals. So being direct I suggested that he stop calling me ‘babe’ as I felt like it should be reserved for women. We came to an agreement that ‘sexy stud’ would be my nickname.

As the day progressed he gradually got progressively more possessive in his chat language. He referred to me as “his man” and “his sexy stud.” I hadn’t seen his picture as yet (he promised to send it through later as he was online through a tablet computer without a camera), so just said that it is a little premature to describe me as ‘his.’

Then the final clincher came he said that I love you multiple times, he had even changed his profile status to <3 My Nickname (‘LOVE’). To be honest I should have taken it as it was intended just flirtatious banter. But after a lengthy long term relationship, for him to say I love you even in chat seemed childish and deeply wrong. So I said let’s face facts – we haven’t even met, I haven’t seen your pic – so you don’t love me – you just have a man crush.

He then fired up and yelled WHY ARE YOU SO ARGUMENTATIVE? To which I replied that he was immature, flippant, to grow up and to go back to school and learn a little English so he know the meaning of the words you are using. Yes my bitchiness had come out in full.

Did he deserve it? Undoubtedly no, he was just chatting in a way that he thought was appropriate for a dating site. He didn’t realise that you need to adopt your chatting style to the guy your targeting. If you’re chatting to a masculine guy – you don’t talk about how much you love Kylie and don’t call him ‘BABE’ (unless you 100% know that he listens to Kylie). If you’re talking to a fem guy – you don’t talk about how much you love your Holden SS Ute or watching Australian Rules Football (‘AFL’). If you talking to an educated guy – don’t assume that he will tolerate your inappropriate childish use of words.

My confession is at an end… in my next post will continue to blog about my rebound relationship.