Well, after telling me that he didn’t want to be my
boyfriend and didn’t trust me, my fuck buddy continued to message me over the
space of three days. The first day was a statement saying he knew it was over
between us and that he hoped I would find a great man and that he still cared
for me. The second day was that he missed me and loved me so much – he wanted
to start again. The third day was that he had time to reflect on what we had
between us and wanted to talk it through. I was the strong one and didn’t
respond to any of these messages.
It was the fourth day that the tide turned and he arrived
unannounced at my house. He knocked on the door with cake in hand. He was in
tears, said that he missed me so much and wanted to see me to say that he loved
me. I admit I crumbled and allowed him in.
We talked for a good two hours about what he had together,
he was taken aback by my confession of love given that I had rejected his
earlier confession of love. I said that I had fallen in love with him 3 weeks
ago but his smoking and drinking held me back. I realised that I had still
fallen for him despite these issues. He said he was uncomfortable with the
boyfriend tag and that he thought things were moving too fast. I accepted this
as it was a complete u-turn for me (without warning). We then followed each
other to the bedroom and had the best makeup sex and fell asleep in each
other’s arms.
Over the next week, my fuck buddy’s mind games begun. In
conversation he would gradually call me his boyfriend and then say sorry
because he knew I didn’t want to be his boyfriend (yes – a complete mind fuck).
I took exception to this of course (strong willed and obstinate sometimes) I
said hold on one second – that it was he that didn’t want to be boyfriends and
that it was he that didn’t trust me. If anyone he was to ‘blame.’
I also felt very untrustworthy of my fuck buddy – it was
Thursday night. My fuck buddy had always wanting to spend every night of the
week with me. But that night he said okay I suppose I will see you Tuesday next
week (a 4 night hiatus). To make matters worse he said that he was meeting up
with a guy that he knew wanted to fuck him and to make matters worse to have a
relationship with him. Of course he said nothing would happen.
So I turned private investigator – I knew he still had
another profile on a dating website. I paid for a one month membership. I used
a couple of pics from another dating website from a guy in America (he was
exactly my fuck buddy’s type). I contacted him and he contacted me straight
back. We chatted for a little bit – he acknowledged that he was only on the
site to “get a fuck”. I felt a tingle go down my spine – I knew this wasn’t
enough. I needed to catch him out and see whether he would provide an address
and set up a time to fuck. This would be incontrovertible evidence of his
‘cheating ways’. I call it cheating as he continually said throughout our meets
that he was committed to me, he was exclusive, he thought about me every minute
of every day and that he felt ‘sickened’ about thinking about sex with another
guy. I took this on face value. I knew deep down that this wasn’t the case.
Bringing you forward to this week, we went over one of his
friend’s places for dinner (a straight couple). He was stoned and slightly drunk
when I arrived to pick him up. So we went to dinner. It proved to be a most
interesting night (interesting is not really the word for it though). During
the main course my fuck buddy was trying to crack on to the husband – yes I
mean full on – saying that he obviously had a big cock and that he would
totally go there. The husband was completely gobsmacked. I tried to ask my fuck
buddy to shut up and not make a fool out of himself – but alas he continued
drinking.
It came to the end of the night, my fuck buddy went into the
toilet. He was completely smashed so I held him up when he went to the toilet.
He was playing funny buggers and started to piss all over the toilet seat, on
me and on the floor. Tried as I might – he wouldn’t ‘aim.’ I started mopping up
the copious amounts of urine on the toilet. When my fuck buddy snapped – he demanded
that I stop cleaning up. When I ignored him, he literally grabbed my arms,
shook me and said to stop it now. He had fire in his eyes. I felt like that if
I pressed the situation any further that he would be physically violent towards
me. Then he wanted me to kiss him. I said no and tried to get out of the toilet
– lucky it had two doors...
He came out and yelled at me that I was a cunt, that it was
over between us and never do that again to him. I turned the hostess aside and
apologised profusely for the actions of my fuck buddy and for the flood in the
toilet. I admired her composure when I told her this.
The hostess drove us home since we had caught a taxi. During
the ride home, my fuck buddy kept trying to kiss me and be affectionate, he
also said that he wanted to be fucked hard by me tonight (it was too late for
that). We arrived at his place, I walked him into the house. I then said okay I’m
going home and started to leave. He immediately got the fire in his eyes
grabbed my arms as if to keep me from leaving. I shoved him back on to the
couch, he got up again and started towards me, I shoved him again on the couch.
I finally exited the door, started the car, locked the door, and drove off towards
home.
I thought this would be the prime opportunity to catch him
out with my private investigative skills. I logged on to the dating website.
Low and behold – my fuck buddy was online. I messaged him asking how his day
went. His response was I need a really hard fuck right now and invited me over.
I asked for his address which he readily gave up. I said I would be over in 20
minutes… I had him – I had the evidence to prove that my fuck buddy was the
lying scum of the earth that I suspected many weeks ago.
I felt sick – I felt silly that I had allowed my emotions to
take hold and to control my big head. I subconsciously knew this guy was bad
for me. My gaggle knew it all too well and advised me not to see him again
weeks ago. But I persisted. Why? It felt good to be in his arms – it felt
superb to have regular intimacy with someone.
It has been three days since the incident… not one message
from my fuck buddy… In some ways I feel sad that my fuck buddy hasn’t tried to
message an apology or try and mend what he had done that night (might be
because he was too drunk and stoned to remember). I am resolutely not messaging
him as a first contact. I secretly hope
he will try and contact me again – I want to say something to the effect of “Well
– I finally hear from you – have you finally realised that the fucks you are
getting are just that (yes I know what you have been up to) – they don’t
respect you – they don’t say I love you – they don’t stay the night – they don’t
cuddle watching movies. I hope you find what you are looking for. Goodbye”
I suppose I could be more cutting – I want him to feel
regret rather than anger. But I acknowledge that he is unlikely to feel regret
or remorse. He will just continue slutting himself to all and then when he is
older finally look back and see himself what he truly was…
Well now that my fuck buddy is not monopolising my time – I will
update my blog a little more regularly!
